No matter how identical a set of twins may be, there will always be difference(s) between the both of them  either physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. This proves that no two people are the same 100% no matter how blood related they might be. We are all different in our personalities. 

This also means that you can’t be “me” and I can’t be “you”. You are special in your own “made” and I am special too in my own “brand“, yeah!!!
But I wonder why we sometimes want to get approval from people in the society(outside factors) in becoming who we are suppose to be. Instead of focussing and getting approval from our inner self (internal factors), we prefer to hearken to people’s opinion.

Its important I share this with you; before now, I used to be conscious of people’s opinion about me. It got worst that I could do nothing (eat, dress, talk, walk) without thinking of how “Mr A” will look at me or what he will think of me. This ate me up and I wasn’t living my own life any more but the life of other people. I lost my dignity, my worth and my esteem. I lost my value and I couldn’t live my “God-given-life”.
You should know that When it comes to intra- relationship (your relationship with yourself), you can be your own best friend or biggest enemy pending how you want it with the way you treat yourself. 

Truth is, Self worth ultimately comes from within, the value you place on yourself is the only type of worth you can control because you are the “Boss” and you are in charge. You alone  wholly determine how outside factors influence your inner sense of value and these are the actions, judgments, and reactions of other people. 
Placing value on yourself has nothing to do with how people think of you. When you want to add importance to yourself, you need not to care about who is watching nor talking.
I want to say that placing value on yourself or having your self worth helps you not to live a proxy life. When you solely rely on people’s thoughts and comments before you do anything then, I tell you, you are living life not yourself but via proxy.

I didn’t just allow my self been controlled with the thoughts of “What people will say or do”. I realised I am as important as I make myself not as others see me. I will be sharing some few things I did as I went through the hard time of loosing and getting back my self worth and value.

– I stopped comparing myself to people: One major thing that stole myself worth was comparing myself with other parsons. I didn’t understand that I needed to focus on who I am not on what people will say and do. Its not necessary trying to wear same shoe with someone you don’t have same size. Its important that you set your principles and standards. I actually at a point stopped comparing myself with people and I made it a point of duty to be better than myself and not some one else.
 Instead of measuring your worth based on another person’s scale, concentrate on what is meaningful to you, whether that’s being balanced or not,  being a kind person, or living a faith tradition.  Your opinion & principles will matter to you longer than those of anyone else.”

– Accept your mistakes and work on them:
No one is perfect, this you must know. I have made mistakes in my life, stupid mistakes than any one I must say but at a time, I had to agree and accept that I made those mistakes. I didn’t just accept the mistakes, I learnt from them. When you learn from your errors, you are able to avoid same in future therebuilding your worth.

– Seek for opportunuties to develop and improve: Our life is full of opportunities. One can even say that life itself is one big opportunity. Make use of available resources around you to grow and develop but definitely not comparing yourself with someone else nor wishing to be another person.
Though I do not love reading as much but I had to start looking for materials to read that could improve me, my gifts and potentials. I googled for materials, took up some small books with nuggets especially that of Mike Murdock. I listened to good music although listening to music was easy for me because singing is my hoband I don’t mind spending the whole day just enjoining music. I asked trusted people about myself and areas I can improve my attitude to become a better person. I think the last time I did that was “face to face” conversation (questioning) about myself with close friends. I was in my 300 level in University of Abuja then, I truly got feed backs and worked on myself.
So you must look for every opportunity to help you out including events, seminars etc.

– Share your Journey with Some one else
I think this is partly what I shared in  my point number three. One way to ease anxiety is to share issues with a trusted friend or family member.

The truth is, “When you share yourself, you see yourself.” Even though I shared my experiences both good and evil, I still never allowed their thoughts to cloud my life. I was conscious of just being a better me. – Believe in yourself and never give up no matter what. You should know that your self worth is more than anything. If you do not believe in yourself, no one else will do. Seriously, once you are not confident about yourself, your value depreciates a million times. I could share my story with you today because I believed in myself and I still do. No body will believe in you if you do not believe in “you”. – Go to where you are appreciated: Its important to know that its not every event you attend, its not all places you visit. Learn to visit only places your presence is honoured and appreciated. Remember you are your best and so you need not to be where you are not cherished. You don’t have to be everywhere, most importantly, you need not to be where you won’t be loved nor admired. In my years of trying to get my self worth into good shape, I was seen in every gathering but was never accepted nor appreciated instead I was looked down on. The moment you only visit where you are admired, your worth increases without pressing any button. Learn to intentionally absent yourself for a while from people and event so that your value can increase. Regardless of where you are in life, your position or status and bravery, it’s essential to remember that the quest for self worth never ends. May I say that even till now I, Shedy Elisha still make effort to keep my self worth. I make sure that people see and understand my importance as a person. I do not take myself for granted and so anyone who comes around do same to me. Its not pride, its just keeping my self worth. – SHEDYELISHA @shedyelisha

connect with Shedy Elisha:
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Email: [email protected]
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