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Deborah Amubwo Samuel

As humans that we are, it is inherent to do wrong because nature we are wrong doers and that is why the Holy Book which is the Bible says nature we are sinners.
But even though committing offense is natural to man, it is also human and natural to man for any offender to apologize , ask for forgiveness and say – “I am Sorry” though, it is the most difficult thing in the entire life of a man to say.
According to an online dictionary, Sorry is a feeling or distressed through sympathy with someone else’s misfortune.
Its natural that  human find it extremely difficult to say sorry to someone they have wronged. Saying sorry to a large extent very much depends on your mindset, background and how you position your feelings.
You will find it easier to say sorry if you have positive approach to life and that is very important as we live daily.  Its vital that as humans we make saying sorry an attitude and this will go a long way in helping us accept mistakes.

Why sorry is difficult to say

During my research to put this piece together, I came across certain reasons why people find it hard to say “I am Sorry” Here are three reasons why we struggle, when conflict arises, to say, “I’m sorry.”
1. It’s easier to blame. The sin of blaming is as old as the Garden (Genesis 3). When God asked Adam, “Where are you?” after that first dreadful fall, he wasn’t looking for his location as much as He was looking for his ownership. But instead, Adam blamed Eve, and Eve blamed the serpent. Blaming will prevent us from owning our sin in a conflict. The blamer looks around first, and looks in, last.

2. We fear failure.  Why do we hate to fail? Part of our fear is because it forces us to admit we aren’t perfect. We foolishly link our worth with being wrong (or being right). So instead of embracing our acceptance in Christ, we work hard to maintain our approval – from others. We fear admitting we are in error for fear that others may think less of us. Are you argumentative or defensive? Chances are you are not only trying to win an argument, but you are also trying to win approval.

3. We are prone to minimize our sin.  The minimizer doesn’t always see the seriousness of sin. What they have done is “no big deal” or “ordinary.” “You are over-reacting,” they might say. As a result, people who minimize sin don’t see the accumulating damage of their actions or attitude.  They generally have the ability to spot someone else’s sin but remain blind to the seriousness of their own.

We should understand that sorry has to do with accepting mistakes and flaws; so to be successful in life you have to be ready and prepared to make and accept mistakes.
It is through making mistakes that we  discover and learn new things.
Saying sorry is never a one sided affairs. It should come both from the offender and “offended”.  It is hurting to someone if a person in the wrong side doesn’t accept his or her mistake. It is even more interesting to note that the people who do not accept and feel sorry for their mistakes tend to get so much annoyed when other people wrong them without  apologizing.

Why say sorry?
Jennifer white in 2012 pointed out  eight empowering reasons why its necessary to say “I’m sorry”—and really mean it.

1. Builds R-E-S-P-E-C-T. –
Relationships are built on respect, and saying “I’m sorry” shows that you respect another person’s feelings.
2. Helps you move on. We all make mistakes. Harboring guilt and anger isn’t good for you or anyone else. Acknowledging your own mistakes helps you grow—and move on.
3. Provides a strong foundation. Sometimes foundations crack and need repairing. Ignoring the cracks only makes them bigger—and the foundation weaker. However, moving past problems in a healthy manner can actually be strengthening to your relationship.

4. It gets easier. Saying “I’m sorry” is just like your time on your yoga mat. It gets more comfortable and familiar the more you practice it.
5. Integrity. If you don’t apologize, it doesn’t make your mistake disappear. Now it’s an elephant in the room. Owning your mistakes only makes you a better person—and it helps others trust you.
6. Sincerity. On the other hand, don’t apologize just to get past an issue. No one appreciates this. It’s like the boy who cried wolf. The next time you say “I’m sorry” and mean it, no one will believe you.
7. Relief. Say “I’m sorry” for you as much as for others. You’ll feel better. I promise. Even if your apology falls on deaf ears, you’ll know you did the right thing—and sometimes that’s all that counts.
8. Sets an example for kids. Saying “I’m sorry” to your children or in front of your children shows them how to make mistakes and deal with them appropriately.

Through saying sorry, you feel relieved from guilt, fear,stress, anger and restlessness among others.
Most atimes people don’t even realize the hurt they are creating around themselves failing to take responsibility for their actions. It might be you or someone you know, every one knows someone who has suffered from this at some time not knowing that  often times this one word is more than a life one million excuses and explanations… In many relationships today, sorry has helped in putting their past behind them. Saying sorry is basically and intentionally accepting our mistakes.

But personally and on the contrary, I feel saying sorry too often especially when one has done nothing can be dangerous. Funny right? Well, I said personally…. I just think that when others see us taking a submissive role too often, they may think they can take advantage of us, trample on ones dignity. But don’t get me wrong, I just mean we should learn to say sorry when we have done wrong most especially i.e learn to say sorry only when you know you are wrong or made to understand you are wrong. Importantly say sorry  for peace to reign…
Choose the part of humility
Choose love above pride
Choose to say sorry and you will experience success always in every area of your life!…
– Written Deborah Amubwo Samuel
Sponsored by: THE CANDLE

Deborah Amubwo Samuel

Deborah Amubwo Samuel from Kwali Area Council, Abuja. She is the coordinator of THE CANDLE. Also the CEO of Dhebraah’s Collections – Click here to connect with Dhebraah’s collections on Facebook

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